


DooWops and Hooligans (but make it Kurtbastian)

by iPlaySports



Category: Glee
Genre: Bruno Mars - Freeform, Drunk!Marriage, Engaged bbys, Friends to Lovers, Gen, M/M, Possessive Sebastian, only slightly tho, song-fic, vegas!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:22:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27531445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iPlaySports/pseuds/iPlaySports
Summary: A Collection of One-Shots based on DooWops and Hooligans, featuring Kurtbastian.
Relationships: Kurt Hummel/Sebastian Smythe
Comments: 3
Kudos: 20





	1. Grenade

**Author's Note:**

> This has been sitting in my drafts forever so, here ya go. I have no promises that this will actually be completed so. *shrugs*

“Yeah, definitely,” Sebastian pauses outside his friend’s dorm and looks at it curiously, waiting for Kurt to speak again.

“Babe, of course, we’re gonna go shopping,” Kurt says, sounding like he’s on cloud nine.  _ Wait. don’t get too hasty, Smythe, he could be just talking to Blaine or something. _

“Yeah, me too,” Kurt is speaking again and his eavesdropper leans on to his door as not to miss any of the conversation. Then, Kurt giggles, and damn it all in that one sound doesn’t make the usual Kurt-related butterflies in his stomach work double time. “I’m super excited for the dance, too.”

Sebastian’s butterflies turn into solid brick as it falls to the pit of his stomach. Of course, how could he be so stupid? Kurt is going to Dalton’s formal with someone else. Some who he is gonna have to try really hard not to punch in the face for four consecutive hours. Someone who is gonna offer his hand in the most gentlemanly way and ask for a dance. Someone who’s gonna get him punch and compliment the undoubtedly amazing outfit the fashionista will put together. Someone who is gonna drop him off at his dorm for the night and kiss… Yeah, Sebastian is gonna have a rough time. 

Or he can grow a pair and actually man up and  _ ask  _ Kurt to the dance? Yeah…. no. Talk about a long shot. The lacrosse player is so firmly rooted in the friend-zone that he can’t even remember what it feels like to not be. In fact, he can name three times in the past week where Kurt, rather pointedly, called him a friend ( _ “Of course, Sebastian and I are friends…” “Hey, thanks for listening to the rant. You’re the best friend I could ask for.” “I have friends! Right, Bas?”).  _ Okay, fine. Maybe the last one didn’t count, but Sebastian was mad so he's gonna go with it.

But, more than anything Sebastian was mad at himself. How could Kurt have a secret boyfriend and not even tell him? Did he seem that untrustworthy? Unfortunately, Sebastian’s inner turmoil was interrupted by the man in question. He was so caught up in his thoughts, he missed Kurt saying his goodbyes and gathering his things to head down to the Warbler practice room for an emergency meeting. Kurt opened the door that Sebastian was leaning against, causing the taller male to fall at his feet.

“What the hell?” Kurt gasps, reaching down to help his friends up. Sebastian takes the offered hand to help right himself. He looks up from their joined hands into Kurt’s eyes and ends up enraptured in glasz orbs. After a few seconds, Kurt starts waving his hand to try and break Sebastian out of his stupor. “Hello. Earth to Bas. C’mon, we gotta go practice starts in like 5 minutes.”

Sebastian shakes his head in an attempt to get rid of whatever the hell just came over him. But, doesn’t move to leave the doorway. (Nor does he let go of Kurt’s hand, but that’s neither here nor there.) He misses how Kurt doesn’t move to let go either and how his eyes flicker toward Sebastian’s lips for a fraction of a second. And the resulting blush. Instead, Sebastian tugs Kurt just the slightest bit closer and voices one of the many thoughts running through his head: “Why didn’t you tell me you had a boyfriend?”

To say the least, the shock and confusion coloring Kurt’s face mirrors Sebastian’s own. Kurt looks as if he cannot believe what just came out of his friend’s mouth, and in his infinite eloquence can only come up with one suitable response. “Huh?”

Apparently, that’s all the taller boy needed to open up the floodgates that were holding in his rambles. “Well, I heard you talking on the phone with someone- I wasn’t eavesdropping, I swear-- and you were talking about the dance. Ya know, the one on Friday? Of course, you know. You were on the goddamn planning committee. Anyway, you were kind of giggling in that way you did when you used to talk about Blaine.” And when Kurt tries to cut in, Sebastian keeps talking, “Don’t try and correct me, I hung around you way too often during your Gelmet-pining days; I know that fucking giggle. So I assumed that you had a new someone special to use that giggle on. The other thing is that you’re going to the dance with them. Dalton Formal is basically prom, except, the word ‘prom’ is too public-school for Dalton. No offense to your previous schooling. But, the thing that practically sealed the deal was shopping. No guy who knows you wants to go shopping with you. Literally. You cannot beg anyone to go shopping with you. The only people who willingly go with you are your girlfriends from McKinley and Blaine -because they enjoy it- and me -because I…”  _ am in love with you and seeing you happy makes me happy “... _ have my reasons. Plus, you usually pay me back in Auntie Anne’s.” 

Sebastian decides to end it there.  _ More like if you kept going, you would’ve exposed yourself.  _ He is vaguely aware of his own breathing coming shallower as Kurt shifts grip so that they are holding hands properly and not in the awkward formal handshake way. 

“Is that really the only reason you go shopping with me, Bas?” Kurt asks. His voice laced with humor, innocence, and hope? But, that’s probably just wishful thinking on Sebastian’s part. There’s no reason Kurt would  _ want _ him to be interested.

Right?

“You’re avoiding the question.’’ Sebastian shifted uncomfortably under his friend’s questioning glance, “Do you have a secret boyfriend that you felt the need to hide from me?”

“No, I don’t,” Kurt looks from their clasped hands back to Sebastian’s face, “I think he’d be jealous of our  _ relationship _ , don’t you think?”

Sebastian would’ve had to be dead to miss the emphasis on ‘relationship’. So, never being one to pass up on a golden opportunity, he promptly let go of Kurt’s hand and did the one thing he has wanted to do for weeks. 

He kissed him.

And it was E P I C. What started off as a tentative brush of the lips, quickly turned deeper, more passionate. Sebastian ran his tongue over Kurt’s lip asking for access into the  _ warmhotwet  _ that was Kurt Hummel’s mouth. However, Kurt- somehow- remembered that they had a Warbler practice to get to and pulled away, eliciting a groan from the taller boy. 

“We will finish this conversation later,” Kurt readjusts his tie and walks from the room, only turning back to give Sebastian a, rather salacious, wink.

\--

“We now open the floor to all members,” Wes concludes his review of the holiday performance schedule.

Sebastian quickly stands, “I have something I need to get off my chest.” He pointedly ignores the gasps and confused murmuring of his teammates, in favor of staring directly at one particular person (I’ll give you one guess as to who). “Actually, I was hoping if I could sing something,” redirecting his gaze back to the council.

“Of course, Sebastian. The floor is yours,” Wes gestures to the center of the room.”

Sebastian connects his iPod to the speaker and pulls up the song. (He briefly considered queuing up  _ I Want Your Bite, _ but that would probably get him castrated rather than a date to the dance.) 

_ Easy come, easy go, that's just how you live, oh _

_ Take, take, take it all, but you never give _

_ Should have known you was trouble from the first kiss _

_ Had your eyes wide open _

_ Why were they open? (Ooh) _

_ Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash _

_ You tossed it in the trash, you did _

_ To give me all your love is all I ever ask _

_ 'Cause what you don't understand is _

_ I'd catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) _

_ Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) _

_ I'd jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) _

_ You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) _

_ Oh, oh, I would go through all this pain _

_ Take a bullet straight through my brain _

_ Yes, I would die for ya, baby _

_ But you won't do the same _

_ No, no, no, no _

_ Black, black, black and blue _

_ Beat me 'til I'm numb _

_ Tell the devil I said "Hey" when you get back to where you're from _

_ Mad woman, bad woman _

_ That's just what you are _

_ Yeah, you'll smile in my face then rip the brakes out my car _

_ Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash _

_ You tossed it in the trash, yes you did _

_ To give me all your love is all I ever ask _

_ 'Cause what you don't understand is _

_ I'd catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) _

_ Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) _

_ I'd jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) _

_ You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) _

_ Oh oh, I would go through all this pain _

_ Take a bullet straight through my brain _

_ Yes, I would die for ya, baby _

_ But you won't do the same _

_ If my body was on fire _

_ Ooh, you'd watch me burn down in flames _

_ You said you loved me, you're a liar _

_ 'Cause you never, ever, ever did, baby _

_ But darling, I'd still catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) _

_ Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) _

_ I'd jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) _

_ You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) _

_ Oh oh, I would go through all this pain _

_ Take a bullet straight through my brain _

_ Yes, I would die for ya, baby _

_ But you won't do the same _

_ No, you won't do the same _

_ You wouldn't do the same _

_ Ooh, you'd never do the same _

_ No, no, no, no oh _

He ends the song kneeling in front of the countertenor. “Kurt, I would like to formally ask you to Formal. And if you don’t kill me by the end of the night, to be my boyfriend?”

“Yeah… yes, of course, I will,” Kurt smiles brightly, pulling Sebastian into a sweet kiss. “And contrary to the song, I will not use you as a punching bag- emotional nor otherwise- and I would die before I let you die for me.”

Sebastian mentally cringes as he reviews the lyrics in his head. “Yeah, that probably wasn't the best song choice, but hey, it got me a date right?”

“Unfortunately, for me more so than you.” 


	2. Marry You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurtbastian AU. They got engaged, and this is how they got married.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i forgot this existed ngl, sorry yall.

_ It's a beautiful night, _ Kurt thinks, as his fiance drags him to, yet another, gay bar tucked into some corner of Vegas.

“C’mon babe, this is the best one, I swear,” Sebastian giggles, “or at least better than the last one.” Sebastian and Kurt break into another round of side-splitting laughter.

“Oh my  _ god,  _ Bas,” Kurt wipes a stray tear from his eye, “That was so incredibly stupid of you. Not to mention the utter nonsense that came after it. When you said you wanted  _ something dumb to do _ I didn't think you meant us getting kicked out of a bar!”

Sebastian turns on to another street trying to remember where exactly they were going.  _ Was it on Jackson or Johnson Street?  _ Sebastian glances back, realizing Kurt finished his drunken tirade, and flashes a smirk. (Or it would’ve been if he hadn’t had five straight body shots earlier.) “You’re the one that agreed to this.”

“I didn’t think a celebration for  _ wanting to marry you  _ would wind up with us almost getting arrested,” Kurt says, tripping over his feet to try and keep up with his fiance's strides.

The boys turn a corner and almost run directly into the back of someone. Who is behind someone else? Oh, it's a line. Kurt looks up at the sign and reads ‘Flex Cocktail Lounge’ in neon letters. (He also vaguely notes the Register of Deeds office across the street, but whatever.)

\--

Kurt is settled at the bar, watching over their drinks as Sebastian finds his way back from the restroom. Kurt looks around and reflects on how much his life has changed because of Sebastian. He remembers a time where another version of Kurt wouldn’t dare enter a place as- admittedly- sleazy as this. 

But now? With Sebastian? There’s nowhere else he’d rather be.

And that’s how Sebastian finds him starry-eyes and a fond smile. He places himself in the seat next to him, effectively startling Kurt out of his reverie.

“Oh, hey. I didn’t hear you come back.”

“Well, it’s hard to hear much of anything in here,” Sebastian jokes, mirroring Kurt’s still fond smile, “What’s up with you?” At Kurt’s questioning eyebrow, he elaborates, “You had this  _ look in your eyes.  _ Like you were… reliving a good memory. Or is it just that glass full of  _ dancing juice _ that is half gone?”

“I was just thinking about you actually,” Kurt slides himself closer to rest his head on Sebastian’s shoulder. “I was thinking about how happy you make me and how much I’ve grown from being your friend, boyfriend, and fiance.”

Sebastian pulls back and Kurt is momentarily startled by the clear green eyes looking straight into his own- despite the copious amount of alcohol they have consumed. He is even more taken aback when Sebastian says just three words: “Be my husband.”

“I already agreed to do that?” 

“I don’t  _ care _ .  _ I wanna marry you  _ right now.”

“Bas, I-”

“No, it will be perfect. Just the two of us. I saw  _ this little chapel  _ a few streets back.  _ We can go  _ and do it right now,” Sebastian has gotten out of his seat and it trying to pull Kurt with him to the entrance.

Kurt pulls him back toward him, “Bas,  _ No one will know.  _ You know it’s my dad’s biggest dream to see me get married.”

Sebastian looks dejected for a moment before coming to a conclusion, “No one said anything about a ceremony. We’re just gonna get the paper.”

“But, Sebastian,  _ we’re trashed,’’  _ Kurt tries to reason, “and those things cost money.” Kurt knows that the second part is a weak argument the second Sebastian slides the Black Platinum card out of his wallet. The one that’s connected directly to the basically unlimited trust his grandparents have set up for him. The one he has been using all night to pay for all the drinks.

“Babe, you know this thing is worth way more than any  _ pocket full of cash. We can blow _ it all and there will still be more by tomorrow,” Sebastian rebukes. As if to prove his point, Sebastian waves down the bartender and orders three  _ shots of Patron  _ each. 

After they finish off the alcohol, the taller male starts back with his pleading. “C’mon Kurt. It’s Vegas! You can’t say  _ no  _ to Vegas,” Sebastian remarks.

“Fine…”

“Was that a-”

“Yeah. It’s a yes Sebastian. I’ll marry you tonight.”

“Well, c’mon let’s  _ go- _ ,” Sebastian starts dragging Kurt through the bar.

“But! I, Kurt Hummel, will not be getting married in a church.”

Then, where do you wanna go, princess?”

“Follow me.”

\--

Kurt drags Sebastian out of the club, searching for…  _ BINGO!  _ Kurt starts to head toward the Deeds office (thankfully, open 24 hours), when he is suddenly pulled back by his soon-to-be husband. “Bas, what-?”

“Rings.”

“Rings?”

“We are getting married, Kurt, we need rings.”

“It’s fine, we will get rings later. Let’s get this done now,” Kurt gets them moving once more until he is stopped again.

“Regret.”

“Regret?”

“What if we regret this come morning, Kurt, I don’t want you to break up with me.”

“Sebastian,” Kurt faces him properly and frames the taller man’s face with his hands. “I will not regret anything about you. Is this incredibly stupid? Yes. But, I’m doing it with you. And that’s enough for me.”

Sebastian smiles and turns his face to kiss the palm of Kurt’s left hand. “Let’s do this.”

\--

Less than an hour later, Kurt and Sebastian Hummel-Smythe walk out of the Deeds office smiling, like the idiots they truly are, at the paper in front of them. Oh,  _ you know, _ the one that (officially!) declares that Kurt and Sebastian are married and joined as the beginning of the Hummel-Smythe clan. 

“That was a lot more complicated than just saying ‘I do’,” Sebastian remarks later, as they stroll towards their hotel closer to downtown.

“I agree,” Kurt kisses Sebastian just as soundly as they did a few minutes ago, “but, I wouldn’t have it any other way.” This time Sebastian closes the distance between them, effectively stopping their forward progress. 

_ It's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do… _

_ Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment? kudo? thanks. hope you enjoyed.

**Author's Note:**

> Comment? Kudo? I don't really care as much about this one.


End file.
